Nurturing a child out of the second child syndrome
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My daughter is a live-wire. She can talk up a storm and has never been one to shy away from crowds.
Yes, she’s our first child.
Our son, born four years after big sister’s arrival in this world, is a chatterbox too…
but only among people he knows really well.
He’s our shy baby and though he chatters nineteen to the dozen at home, he’s generally quiet in unfamiliar surroundings.
Yes, he has what I’d say is called the second child syndrome.
(NOTE: This has NOTHING to do with medical findings or theories. It’s just a tag placed to describe the shy, “hide behind the shadows” behavior of a second child, that’s all!!)
He’s confident in his big sister’s shadow, takes a little while to emerge from his shell and prefers to be the silent, smiling supporter as big sis talks.
But things are slowly changing.
We’ve been helping our little man work on his confidence levels in tiny ways and I’m proud to say we’re on our way to…
nurturing our child out of the second child syndrome!
If my son sounds like one of your little ones, may I encourage you with what we’re doing to help him build on his confidence?
A nurturing we go!
1. Socialize in subtle ways
I’ve been taking Little Man to Parent-Child toddler and preschool reading sessions at our local library, twice a week, in the mornings.
This is such a wonderful way to get your child around other children and you don’t have to pay a dime.
Library story sessions also encourage your child to find that love for books and allows them to enjoy a craft or fun activity after storytime.
When we first started sitting in on the sessions, he would sit on my lap and listen to the story. But since the past 2 weeks, he has been clambering off my lap and sitting along with the other kids in the circle.
And yes, even participates in the prompts and songs. (Score!)
2. Don’t be Forceful Franny!
Pushing a child to become more vocal and get out there can backfire and push your child further into his/her shell.
Give your child time.
Stay by your child’s side and encourage every little milestone with words of praise and affirmation.
Little Man is an active bundle of energy, so to channel his love for all things active, we signed him up for our local Little Gym’s sessions.
At the beginning of every session, the instructor generally goes round the circle and asks each child what his/her name is.
It took Little Man a good 3 months to actually peek out of his shy shell and feel comfortable enough to even whisper his name.
But even that whisper was celebrated in our household, later that evening, in a big way.
And two weeks ago, my bold lump actually said out his name with all confidence and a big grin. (Breakthrough!!)
Today, during his class, he even volunteered himself to be the teacher’s model for the activities of the day. (Yes, Hubby and I could have done cartwheels all over that Gym!)
3. Reinforce how awesome your child is.
Yes that means…
Praise! Praise! Praise
Ensure your child feels important and able in worth to do all that you really desire him/her to do…
And yes, this means he/she should feel super big in Mom and Dad’s eyes!
4. Last but not the least…PRAY!
I will never discount the power of prayer when it comes to my children…
or anything for that matter of fact.
We have been praying for God to help our son.
And faithful, as always, He answered.
It has been such a joy and encouragement to watch our once shy, little mouse gradually blossom into an awesome little man with spunk and the cutest personality ever.
We’ve not reached our final destination. But we’re slowly, but surely, getting there!
I’d love to know what you do to help your child come out of his/her shell.
Hmm…you know what…my brother is the same way…lol, maybe he too has the 2nd child syndrome! I don’t have kids yet but think praise and confidence goes a long way.
My daughter is the same way. Painfully shy around the unfamiliar, but a chatterbox at home and around those she knows. There are a little over 5 years between her and her big brother. Never thought of second child syndrome. Thanks for this!
this is all really great advice for ANY child!
trisha
This is so interesting, because both my children are actually very shy – but they both can warm up to people really quickly. If they like someone, they’ll be chatting their ears off within an hour…but if they’re uncomfortable, there’s almost nothing the person can do to try to bring them out of their shell. It can be really awkward….
This is a great post. I have four children and they are all unique in their own ways.
The best I’ve found with my 2nd and 3rd child, is do all you can to build their confidence in themselves. Give them one on one time, provide opportunities where they can be the star if they’d like. Let them have their own friends and their own play dates without brother/sister around. It has helped my kids come out of their shell much more.
I think I have that. My older sister and younger sister are like social butterflies but I’ve always been a wallflower. I wonder how my third child will be since there where 8 years between my first two so they both practically were first children.
What really helped my daughter come out of her shell was joining Sea Scouts (a division of the Boy Scouts). She has developed confidence, leadership skills, and a passion for everything nautical!
With my nephew (older) and niece (younger) we had similar “proyblems” but the other way round 😉 It was just the fact that she grasped English faster and when she was comfortable speaking in foreign language, my nephew would hide or ask me for help. But now they are both amazing in their bilingualism and I could not be more proud! 🙂
You have written this with sensitivity and insight and love all that you are doing to get Bunny Boo get through his shyness…looking at the pictures you’ve posted it does not seem to take him too long to get into the swing of things !! xxx
Isn’t it amazing how different siblings can be from each other? My oldest child has never met a stranger. It’s too early to tell on the youngest. I’m curious to see if he is as social as his big sister.
It’s awesome when they start coming out of their shell, isn’t it? One of the things I have done is tell my first child that he is not allowed to answer for the second child. #2 didn’t speak to anyone outside our home until she was almost three because she never felt like she had to. Big brother did all the talking for her.
We take small steps. For instance I enrolled him in swimming lessons and the first day he sat on the edge of the pool with me, while his instructor tried to get high fives. The second day he sat on the ledge in the water and kicked his legs while his instructor still tried to make contact. Third day he let the instructor pull him into the water with me sitting on the edge of the pool. Fourth day I scooted a little farther away and a little farther away each day. The end of two weeks I sure have not accomplished much swimming for him but now he is comfortable with his instructor and I will enroll him in the same class a second time and know this time I can sit on the wall and he will be ok with his new “friend”.
Lots of time and baby steps which is insane to me because big brother will talk or go to anyone. Totally different personalities that is for sure!
We only have one child, but he’s in the stage of being very shy around others. I am going to see about social opportunities around here so he can hopefully come out of his shell!
I wonder sometimes if my second will take on the second-child-syndrome, but with my kids being 11 years apart he’s more like a second-first. He used to be so shy until we got him into Early Special Ed (oh, he has some delays too), but now he is quite the social sport now that’s he is getting out into his own world and away from big brothers shadow. 🙂 maybe that is one way, to give them a little pot of earth that is all theirs to grow inside of.
Wow, I would say that my first child has these symptoms, not my second. LOL Noah talks to everyone! Thanks for the tips though, I may have to use them.